EULA simplified

I had planned to carefully read some big important EULA's and try to understand what they are attempting to say to me. I finally got a bit of time and the proper mood for 'legalese' language.

In order for the community at large to benefit from my effort, I will write a short and simplified translation here:

I chose Microsoft as my first one, as most of the people use their software, so the targer audience is the largest possible.
(original: http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/home/eula.mspx)

Microsoft Windows XP Home Edition (Retail) EULA:

You must read the EULA. The eula is important. By even so much as _looking_ at the CD you may be accepting EULA (depending on your local laws). If you don't like the EULA, you may return the product and you will get your money back. Maybe.

1. We kindly allow you to do the following, _if_ you agree to the rest of the EULA:
1.1 You may use the software which you purchased.
1.2 ... only for the first 30 days. Then you must call us and ask us nicely to continue using the software, which we probably will approve, if you really did purchase it. Oh, and every time you upgrade your computer you will need to tell us about it as well.
1.3 Only five other PC may connect to this one, so if you have more than five PC's in the household and they all wish to print or see your files, tough luck. They will have to get in line. Oh, and the software itself may use up some of these five connections, so you may not even get that.
1.4 The above restriction doesn't apply to Remote Assistance or similar connections, as you are sure to be needing plenty of those, naturally.
1.5 If you want to use the software as a server, you will also need to buy a license for every computer using the software over the network. (Except the remote assistance, again)

2. Terms you must agree to are:
2.1 The software will be infested with DRM, which means that you can't copy digital multimedia. Should the 'content owners' decide that their multimedia was stolen, Microsoft will prevent you from playing it. This means, in short, that you do neither own, nor have control over music and movies you purchased.
2.2 We accidentally added a software development kit for Windows media, but you may not use it. That is sold seperately.
2.3 The software also includes an Internet Explorer and similar 'online' tools, which you may use to use the internet. But we may upgrade such tools whenever we feels like.
2.4 If you update your games over the internet, we, or anyone we like, may take some information about you and your computer. We promise to only use this to 'improve' our services, but if people ask us nicely enough, we will give them the information. (But not your name or anything like that. We promise.)

3. Even if it is on your PC, the software is still ours. You are merely renting it, and not purchasing, as you may have mistakenly believed.

4. You aren't allowed to closely inspect our software by decompiling it. Believe us when we say that it's good.

5. You may not let others use this software you licensed, or rent it.

6. You agree that we may collect information about you while you use our software. We promise only to use this information to 'improve' our services. We may give this information to others, but not so that know whose it is.

7. We graciously allow you to use other internet sites beside Microsoft and MSN, but we aren't responsible if your children look up porn or download a virus. You were warned.

8. This EULA also applies to everything else of ours you use, unless specifically noted otherwise. We may stop providing services or software whenever we feel like it.

9. If you wish to upgrade the software, you must first own the software, then buy (we may also give it to you for free!) an upgrade. After that, you may no longer use the original software.

10. You may not sell our software, even after you stop using it.

11. If you can prove that you're a student of some educational facility, you may get our software a little cheaper. (But with additional restrictions.)

12. The U.S. government will tell the conditions you must agree to before using this software outside of the U.S.

13. You are allowed to install this software on another computer, if you completely remove it from the current one. You are even allowed to give the software to someone else, but remember the point 1.2.

14. If we decide we don't like what you're doing with our software, we may terminate the agreement, in which case you must destroy all your copies and uninstall the software.

15. We guarantee that the software will work for at least 90 days. You may get less, depending on your local laws. If the software fails (even during the warranty) which causes you to loose important data, you aren't entitled to any damages or refunds. But if you're lucky, your state or country may force us to pay you something anyway. Without that protection, however, the most you will get from us is a full refund of the money you paid for our software or a replacement software. You will pay shipping costs yourself. This warranty doesn't apply if the problem arose because of accident, abuse, abnormal use or a virus. Basically, whatever you do voids the warranty. In order to get the refund or replacement, you must prove to us that you really do own the software, after which we will kindly provide you with a refund or a replacement as soon as we feel like it.

16. Any sort of reassurance you heard in our ads is a lie, and the software is provided with all bugs inclusive. The software may not work, be unusable, unfit for a purpose. It will not be reliable, accurate, or complete even, it may contain viruses, and may be written negligently. If you use the software, you may not enjoy it, it may not be anything like we described and you may even do illegal stuff with it, without knowing it.

17. If your company suffers because you use the software, we (or our partners) will not be held responsible, even if it is our fault because the software is buggy. Even if we were informed of the problem beforehand we may not make an effort to correct the issue and you may not sue us because of it.

18. Again, if bad things happen to you or your company because of the use of this software, we will only pay you the price of the software or USD$5.00, whichever is greater.

19. Software provided to t he U.S. Government has a different license which only they may see.

20. Your local law determines how this license is treated.

21. This EULA is _the_ EULA for the software. If you have read other license agreements, they are false and this EULA holds.

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I hope this clarifies things a bit.